Attempting to be an Oregonian

For about four years now, I’ve been a Californian masking as an Oregonian. Sometimes I think I was meant to be an Oregonian, and other times I think they should kick me right outta this state and back down to the big ol’ golden state. As far as I can tally, there is one reason why I’m a close to being an Oregonian and two reasons why I can’t shake the CA stamp on my forehead.

Reason 1 for being considered an Oregonian: In an attempt to become more like a real Oregon resident, I bought a Bi-Mart card. I’m aware that Bi-Mart isn’t necessarily a super Oregonian thing, so let me explain: you need a Bi-Mart card to get into the store, and for four years of college I refused to spend the $5 to become a lifetime member because I didn’t think I’d be in the state for life and because I’m cheap. Once I moved into a real-person house in Independence and was no longer a student but rather a townie, I decided to make the leap and splurge for the card. I’ve used my coveted green piece of plastic about three times since making the purchase and I already feel more like a perma-Oregonian. Plus it’s green, so I consider it my green card for the state. Worth it.

Reason 1 for being considered a Californian: Speaking of plastic cards, my CA license makes me feel like a 17 year old with a fake ID every time I try to buy alcohol in Oregon. I’m 22 years old and yet I still get twitchy and nervous when I go to buy a six pack of beer or a bottle of wine. Every checkout person takes about a full minute (I’m really not exaggerating) to examine my license. They usually can’t find my DOB or they bend and twist it a lot to see if it’ll burst into flames revealing all its fake glory. The other day I actually had a young register attendant ask me, “um…where’s your birthday?” and I had to point to the highlighted & centered DOB. So every time I try to buy a little 21-and-up beverage, I’m blatantly reminded of my California roots.

Reason 2 for being a Californian: Getting gas still makes me awkward (and I’m not just referring to the bodily kind). For those of you who don’t know, in Oregon it’s illegal to pump your own gas. You actually have to be waited on while a gas attendant pumps it for you. So. Awkward. I still can’t get down the sequence of events for proper gas retrieval. Is it car in park, ignition off, radio off, card out of wallet, window down, card to attendant, gas request? Or window down, car in park, ignition off, radio still on, card out of wallet, gas request, then card to the attendant? Am I forgetting some steps? Did I do too many things? Does every attendant I deal with get a kick out of my awkwardness? Probably. I’d really just prefer to drive to any other state border and do it myself.

-Final score-

Oregonian: 1

Californian fo life (and an awkward one at that): 2